My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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