it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
