my mouth tastes like poor choices
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
