She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So apparently I’m into choking now
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