I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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