Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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