the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
