matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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