why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
