I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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