they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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