My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
