there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
