You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
