I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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