Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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