Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
