Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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