Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
