I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
