I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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