dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
