WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
