it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
