I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
