yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
