my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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