if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
