He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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