I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
