ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
