I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
