Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
