if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
wow bdsm is so cute
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
