3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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