What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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