Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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