This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
