i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
