I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
