At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When are your genitals available?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
