just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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