i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
