Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
