I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
