When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
