Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
