we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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