Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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