tell your sister to shave her snatch
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
