Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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