Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
