If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
