anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
