i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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