is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
