I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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